reblog- four unthinkable conversations plus my comments

It has been a little while since I logged on to my Reader, but this article was at the top of it.

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/four-unthinkable-conversations

I think one thing that strikes me, and I might have mentioned it before (I didn’t get this from this particular blog post, but I’ve read it a good number of times, although I haven’t looked for the stats or anything) is that for a lot of other people Zoe’s initial diagnosis and prognosis at 20 weeks would have been enough for them to abort her. And I did briefly consider that too, although looking back I wonder if I was actually serious or if I just thought about it because I was told to go away and think about it. I think I already knew what my answer would be.

It’s scary because I absolutely love this little girl, her smile, her little face, her bright blue eyes that light up, the way she wriggles and kicks so busily with such a serious look on her face, the way she interacts with Annika…I could go on and on…and I can’t imagine not having that because I’d decided to abort her at 22 weeks instead.

Zoe was on a LOT of support when she was born. It is sort of mind boggling to think that at 35-36 weeks she was induced and given all the support she needed- what must amount to millions of dollars of it by now- and lived, but she could so easily have been induced 12-13 weeks beforehand, not given any support and died. Same condition, she didn’t develop or get rid of any medical condition between 22-23 and 35-36 weeks. And all it came down to was one telephone conversation where I said I wanted to continue.

I won’t say it’s easy having a child with a serious chronic health condition. It’s downright difficult.  But I can overlook all that just for the sheer joy that this beautiful little baby brings. There are bad days and good days, like anyone I guess. Overall though it’s worth it. It’s so worth it.

I think about Zoe’s testimony sometimes. She’s not quite five months and just think about what God has done for her. I can’t wait to see what plans God has in store for her. They’re going to be huge. They already are huge! Zoe has already been such a blessing to many, myself not in any way the least. God has massive plans for this little munchkin and I’m excited for what’s to come still!

From the article:

“If you believe in the sovereignty of God in all things, aborting children is outrageous. Period. The God who intimately knits babies together (Psalm 139:13), including some who will live with a disability (Exodus 4:11; John 9:3), does so for his glory and for the good of his people. All the promises of God remain true for that child and that family. God is mighty and full of mercy in the gift of every child, and he equips us to love them no matter what.”

Amen to that.

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almost five months update

Zoe’s almost five months (she will be in three days time) so as I’m likely to not get around to updating that day, I’ll update now!

Zoe is such a happy little smiley baby! Her personality is really shining through. She’s such a little placid baby most of the time, much more so than Annika was at her age. The exception is if someone’s doing something she doesn’t like- then she turns into Little Miss Feisty! But as has been said to me, if she didn’t fight like that, she wouldn’t have made it this far.

Who says you can't be happy and smiley hooked up to a PD machine?

Who says you can’t be happy and smiley hooked up to a PD machine?

I feel a bit sorry for her sometimes being the younger sibling. Compared to the amount of time I had with Annika to focus solely on her, Zoe gets barely any. Sometimes I feel like the days are mainly spent doing ‘Annika activities’ that keeps her entertained and Zoe just comes along for the ride. I guess most parents are like that when the second baby comes along though.

My beautiful Miss A

My beautiful Miss A

All jump on for reading time!

All jump on for reading time!

I realize most parents think this about their children, but I think Zoe is just the most gorgeous little baby. Her dark hair is mostly falling out, apart from a few spots at the back, and is being replaced by fine light hair. There isn’t enough for me to be able to tell yet if it’s strawberry blonde or white blonde hair coming through. Her eyebrows are white blonde if that’s an indicator of any sort, but as her older sister likes to keep us guessing (black to brown to blonde now turning brown again) I’m not going to try to predict her final colour yet! She has such a beautiful smile and smiles at everyone. She absolutely loves people. I suppose that is one thing about having a baby who’s been a hospital inpatient most of their lives- they love everyone who smiles at them!

Girls in A's bed

Girls in A’s bed

IMG_5616

She’s putting on weight nicely and has just tipped the scales at 6kg, and has delicious little rolls of chub around her thighs now. I’m still breastfeeding during the day and expressing for her night feed, but the weight gain’s helped along enormously by a mix of extra protein, fat and calories that goes into her night feed (plus a bit extra throughout the day.)

I’ve seen this hashtag recently in relation to large amounts of photos of people’s babies- maybe I should start using it too? I do so love taking photos of her! #zoespam

We love you!

We love you!

end of feb update

I just realized it’s been almost a month since I updated. So much has happened!

We got to take Zoe home on Thursday, Feb 12, at 4 months and 12 days old! Most other babies get out at 3 days old, Zoe just had to be slightly different. Everything went well and with ten million stops, we made it home.

Just before heading home for the first time

Just before heading home for the first time

Put Zoe on her PD machine and we all went off to sleep. Round about 3am the machine started alarming. Apparently it thought there was some obstruction in the line- there was absolutely nothing. Calls to the company didn’t help either. In the end there was nothing to do but to turn it off as the machine was flatly refusing to go any further. We tried to get hold of the spare machine that had been supposed to be left at the hospital here, but it had never actually arrived there! It had gotten lost in transit and no one could figure out where it was (!!) The same thing happened on Friday and Saturday nights. By Sunday morning, after three nights of Zoe only having three quarters of her normal PD, I ended up taking her back to Adelaide. Her bloods looked good (she’d had pretty reasonable outputs in spite of it all) but she got admitted until they could send out another machine.

Sleeping on mummy....we ran out of onesies for Zoe so had to borrow a hospital one!

Sleeping on mummy….we ran out of onesies for Zoe so had to borrow a hospital one!

The new machine arrived Tuesday and we were all set to go home. Then on that morning’s bloods…Zoe’s sodium was low. We ended up staying until Wednesday- her dose got changed and her level had come up on Wednesday morning. We headed off home and guess what- I’d managed to leave her bottle of sodium chloride behind in Adelaide. Drama ensured. I ended up getting a bottle of 0.9% normal saline (a very much weaker solution than the concentrated one Zoe normally has) and instead of giving 0.89ml I had to give her 19mls. Huge amount for a tiny stomach. I had to give it over about half an hour to stop her spewing. Fortunately they managed to send it down by Friday. I now have enough to last the majority of the next year if her dose doesn’t change.

We’ve actually made it home 8 days now. I took Zoe back for her first weekly appointment yesterday and they were very happy with how she’s going. I kept expecting something to go wrong all week, but it hasn’t! Everything’s been working smoothly, thank God. I’m hoping that’s it for admissions for us for a while and we can have some time at home to adjust to our new ‘normal’ way of living!