july update

I’ve been a bit quiet on here lately. We’ve had a pretty busy last few weeks and this is the first time I’ve been on the computer since early July.

During the school holidays we went for a road trip, seeing some parts of the state we haven’t seen yet. I had this planned, annual leave booked, etc way before we found out about all this and we decided it would be good to go as opposed to sitting around at home all school holidays. I’m glad we did, it was a well needed distraction. We were glad to stop living out of a car, so to speak, by the end though!

We went down south. After a couple of nights in Adelaide with some friends, we headed down to Kangaroo Island (where, on the ferry, we discovered A has inherited my tendency towards motion sickness, the poor thing) which is beautiful, particularly along the south coast and the Flinders Chase National Park in the west. Then we headed back to the mainland and went through Victor Harbour and south to Mount Gambier, which was one of the more beautiful surprises- you know how you go somewhere without high expectations of the place and are pleasantly surprised about how much you like it there? That’s what we thought about Mt Gambier.

Then we turned around and headed back up north, staying with another friend in the Barossa Valley. We didn’t get almost enough time there though so another trip there is more than likely on the cards.

The final day was a bit of a downer…my next appointment at the WCH…where they could tell us…absolutely nothing. The left kidney (the one that was huge) has grown to 7cm and the right one 4.2 cm. They could see small amounts of fluid in the bladder and stomach..but…amniotic fluid was even lower. Apparently at the scan before this one (at 21 weeks) the amniotic fluid index was 8 and this time it was 4. Normal should be between 10-20, so that is worrying. They also found a small pericardial effusion (fluid between the heart and sac surrounding the heart) which they said was too small to worry about. Okay…

And that was about it. Next visit scheduled for another 4 weeks….on the 14th August. They’re not interested in kidney size anymore, they know they’re big and covered with cysts. They’re more interested in how they’re functioning, ie. can they see fluid in the bladder/ stomach, how is the amniotic fluid level doing.

Then they made an appointment for us to see neonatology. Who were very lovely, but couldn’t tell us anything that we hadn’t already been told by someone else. Again, it was the range of outcomes- if this happens, we’ll do this and if that happens, we’ll do that.

In an ironic sort of twist, it feels like they’ve been able to see almost everything else on baby except the gender. I’ve had three scans since 20 weeks now. The first two baby had crossed their little legs tightly and they couldn’t see anything and last time the baby was so low that they couldn’t tell. Usually I would have been quite happy having a surprise, and I understand that the point of the scans is not to find out gender for us, but this time around given the circumstances it’d be really nice to know and help with bonding etc, especially for Mike. He really wanted to find out from the start and was a bit disappointed when we couldn’t find out at the first scan, especially as Miss A was more than happy to show off everything last time round (and not much has changed for little Miss Barebottom!) It would also be nice to start using one of the names we’ve picked out for baby, as, let’s face it, we might not get to use the name a lot after s/he is born. I’m leaning towards another girl, but it’s dangerous territory here as I don’t want to get too attached to the idea of having a baby of one gender. And I was completely wrong with A, who I was sure was a boy until 20 weeks, so I don’t really trust my instinct on baby gender.

So we picked up Miss A, who was the only person who had a good day. The creche at the WCH is a real blessing. A loves it. When I dropped her off in the morning they took her by the hand and off she went with them for a day of playing. She was pushing a doll’s pram when we picked her up and met us with happy shrieks.

And home we went. We got home on the Thursday night. We then moved house over the weekend. Yes, that’s right. We’d only moved in in March but the place got sold a few weeks later and we were told to find somewhere else. Fortunately we were blessed with a LOT of people helping us and were out and into the new place pretty quickly. It helps, too, when the new place is only three minutes drive from the old one. This proximity to things is something I could get used to about small town living. The new place is $50 more rent a week, but a lot nicer,  a lot less maintenance, and…for me…the best bedroom for sleeping in between night shifts I think I’ve ever slept in. Dark and quiet…perfect! We were glad to find somewhere that would give us a five month lease July-December too, as our plans for next year are still up in the air and we don’t know if we’ll be here or somewhere else next year or even where that place will be.

That’s really the story of July for us. We only got the wireless internet back on yesterday, after several fights on the phone with Telstra, so this is the first time I’ve been able to sit down at the laptop since early July. I’ve been meaning to do a quick update via the 3G on my phone a couple of times, but it’s just so different to actually being able to sit down and write at the laptop.

I’m looking forward to getting back to my blog!

 

 

 

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ephesians 2: 19-22 (cornerstone)

While looking for something on the Internet….I was reminded of this song today.

My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness

I dare not trust the sweetest frame

But wholly trust in Jesus’ name

Christ alone

Cornerstone

Weak made strong, in the Saviour’s love

Through the storm

He is Lord

Lord of all

When darkness seems to hide His face

I rest on His unchanging grace

In every high and stormy gale

My anchor holds within the veil

My anchor holds within the veil

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZq9xTfHvgo

Ephesians 2: 19-22

Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.

Christ alone, cornerstone.  I am accepted by God and a member of God’s household, one of His children. So is baby, although it’s hard to believe when all I really know is the little kicks and movements I occasionally feel and when it seems like things couldn’t get much worse.

In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. The whole building. Not just me, or people that seem to do useful things to contribute to society, or people that seem really strong in their faith or anything. The smallest and the weakest as well are part of this building that rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. Weak made strong, in the Saviour’s love.

And in him me, and baby, are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit. That includes both of us. I struggle with what the point is of all this. I could probably hazard a few ‘Christian’ answers: to help me grow more Christ- like, teach me about God’s love, etc etc. At the moment trying to think of the answers isn’t really helping though. I just need comfort more than anything. When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on his unchanging grace.

Baby is an important member of God’s household! Baby is just as valuable, precious and loved as the next member. All of us are needed for this wonderful household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets. Length of life, achievements, etc are not what matters. What matters is that baby is a child of God, precious, wanted and loved. Whether or not s/he lives 5 minutes, 100 years or does not take a breath on earth at all. It doesn’t matter. Jesus still died for this baby, just as much as for me or for anyone else. My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame

But wholly trust in Jesus’ name.

deuteronomy 31:8

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid;  do not be discouraged.

Someone wrote this verse in a lovely card I got this week. The context is Moses talking to the Israelites prior to entering the Promised Land. Shortly beforehand he had delivered a speech to them would have been quite emotional, I expect- he was telling them how he was now 120 years old, wasn’t able to lead them any more and had been told by God that he wouldn’t be crossing the Jordan with them anyway. Must have been some hard topics to talk about, but he couldn’t just dwell on them; he needed to give them a bit of a pep talk too, reminding them that God would give them the nations and help them defeat the people on the other side of the Jordan.

I know my problems are huge, and although I know there’s always someone worse off than me, I don’t think anyone would make light of them. Moses must have found himself in a lot of grief and emotional turmoil at this time too. These were his people and he had been wandering around the desert with them for the last 40 years. He’d seen them go through so much and right at the end not being able to go across the Jordan into the Promised Land with them must have been heartwrenching. For most of this life he had been working on this one project, so to speak- entering the Promised Land, and although he could take them to the shores of the Jordan, he couldn’t actually see the project be completed- he couldn’t see them actually enter and take possession of this land. He had to trust God with the rest of this project.  He had to trust that God knew what he was doing when he picked Joshua as the new Israelite leader. He had to encourage them and speak the words God gave him to build them up, even though I can’t believe he didn’t feel more like having a tantrum instead.

 

God goes before me. He knows what is to come. He is also walking beside me.

He will never leave or forsake me.

Therefore- I shouldn’t be afraid. (Although I am, frankly, I’m terrified of what the next scan might show, scared of going back to the WCH, scared of seeing anyone about anything to do with this pregnancy anymore).

And I shouldn’t be discouraged (quite honestly, I am…)

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid;  do not be discouraged.

I could say I believe the first sentence. But do I really? If I really, absolutely, 100% believed it, then I shouldn’t be afraid or discouraged. Yet I am. I need to believe that God is ahead of me, and beside me, and is going to stay there, regardless of my thoughts, actions or lack of belief.

God, please help me know, KNOW that you are with me, that you are with me and baby, every step of the way, that You know what is to come and that you will never leave us, even when everything seems to be crumbling and You seem so far away.

This is part of the prayer that was on the back of that card.

Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy; but You came to bring life…We pray life over this baby…We entrust it to You. May Your will be done.

May You bless and keep this baby, may Your face shine upon it and be gracious to it.

Amen.